Me: “Wyatt, say MILK”
Wyatt: “mmkkk”
Me: “Good! Now say SISSY”
Wyatt: “Sissy”
Me: “Good boy! Now say CRACKER”
Wyatt: “COCK”
Wade (dryly): “I think we need to work on that one a little more.”
Motherhood….. all that and a bag of chips… š
Tag: things kids say
Parenting Win?
The World According to My Four Year Old…
-Apples, Bananas, and Fruit Loops grow in the forest.
-There’s a stunk (skunk) living on top of Cracker Barrel.
-When she’s older, she’s going to have a kid, AND a kid (goat).
-Her imaginary horse has a Zebra mom AND a Zebra Dad. When asked “wouldn’t that make your horse a zebra too?”………. “Well, no, they don’t switch families like that”.
Today, I almost died… or at the least almost lost my mind
For realz guys, my life flashed before my eyes.
We had a great morning, a play date with friends, lunch at the roadside burger stand we love so much (well, that was so very close to being a disaster with a kiddo face full of barbed wire, but we narrowly avoided that little catastrophe…), and then on my way home I had to drop a check/contract by our utility district for a deposit on some concrete work we’re having done at the house tomorrow.
The SLUD, as it’s kind of affectionately named, is on the second story of a two story fancy-schmancy office building. I wonder if they’re spending so much on rent that they’re unable to afford repairs to our main roads, but hey, that’s a complaint for another day. I have both kids in tow, and it’s bordering on nap time, especially for the littlest. We go in, a baby on my hip and a sassy 4 year old by the hand, and I look around for the steps. Climb the steps to the second story, make it into the office, hand over the check while dealing with two kids annoying each other and squawking, and then head back out the office door. This is where it started to go downhill.
These kiddos are starting to get on my last nerve. Don’t judge my mom skills, y’all, I KNOW you’ve been in my shoes. Tatum (the four year old) insists on taking the elevator back down to the 1st floor….. from the second floor. I’m too annoyed/tired to argue, and even though I have this nagging fear of elevators I give in.
She pushes the button, the doors open, we get in. She pushes the number 1. The elevator starts to move….. ever….. so….. slowly.
DING! We make it to floor one…….
….. and nothing happens. Seconds start to tick by, and at first it’s ok, but after about 5-10 seconds (which seems like an eternity at this point) Mama starts to panic internally. Holy shit, I’m gonna get stuck on an elevator with two kids 4 and under who are overdue for their naps. I start to hyperventilate, I’m internally losing my shit, my life’s memories flash before my eyes. THIS IS NOT HAPPENING. Probably about 60 seconds in I become crazed and desperate. I start smacking the “Door Open” button repeatedly. The doors open up almost instantly like there was never any problem.
And mommy walks out, cool as a cucumber on the outside, baby on my hip, and a sassy 4 year old by the hand, and nobody is the wiser to my minute and a half of complete internal meltdown.
Living the dream, y’all…… Living…… The…… Dream……. š
Lesson Learned…
After a tough morning of very little listening and crap attitude, and then asking her over a dozen times to get her socks and shoes on so we could leave, I decided I’d teach my 4.5 year old a little lesson about listening and following instructions…
-“Tatum, you have one more chance and then Wyatt and I are leaving and you’ll be here by yourself”
-“OK, Mom!”
-Waited a couple minutes, no action. So I pack up Wyatt, yell to her that we’re leaving, make a big production of opening and shutting the door. I put Wyatt in the car, get in, and start it. Then I wait, watching the front door……
-and wait.
-and wait….
-Shut the car off, go back inside. “Get your butt in the car Tatum, for realz. What are you DOING?!?”
-Cue the crying….. but not for the reason you think.
-“But I wanted to stay here by myself!!!!!!”
*facepalm*
Things Kids Say Part Deuce
I’ve been having trouble lately with getting Tatum (the 4.5 year old) to go to the bathroom by herself at night. She’s also going through that scared of the dark/sleeping by herself phase, so kind of a double whammy. Each night I start the evening out with nicely begging her to stay in bed. She responds with “but if I really really need you, you’ll come in, right?”
Of course I will.
However the “really need you” moments have lately been getting more and more, um, how should I say…. creative. Tonight, for example….
-“MOMMY, I REALLY REALLY NEED YOU!!!!!!”
-I go into her room (btw, this is the FOURTH time since I put her to bed about 20 minutes ago). “What do you need, Tatum?”
-“Mommy, did you know I’m ALLERGIC to COYOTES???”
-“Um, no, kid, I wasn’t aware of that. Because you aren’t.”
And while it’s funny, it’s also annoying, because it happens at midnight, 3:30 in the morning, 5 in the morning, and so on and so forth. Last night I got about an hour and a half stretches of sleep between both kids. Mommy gonna lose her mind over here.
Anyone else with kiddos have that issue? Could really use some advice, or random thoughts, or maybe even some vodka and funny memes. š
Things kids say….
Yesterday I was dropping Tatum off at her preschool, and they have horses there. We’re driving past the pasture and I comment to myself that there’s a ton of horse poop out there.
“That’s not horse poop, Mommy. It’s way too light brown”
So I launch into an explanation of that’s what horse turds look like and why until she gives me this “you’re stupid” look and exclaims:
“But it’s in PILES!”
Yeah, kid, it is. Big ones. š Still poop.
Also tonight:
“Sharks aren’t allowed at my swim class because they’re too sharp.”
#truedat
Some days I actually have 3 kids… and not one of them knows whatās going on around them.
Tatum: āI miss Derby, so much, what did he look like again?ā
Wade: āHe was brown and whiteā
Tatum: āyeah, I miss himā
Wade: āYou have Biscuit now, sheās ALSO brown and whiteā.
Me: āDude, sheās BLACK and white… are you for realz right now? Youāve lived with her over a year nowā
Wade: āoh yeah, I guess sheās black and white, Tatumā
ššššššš¤¦āāļøš¤¦āāļøš¤·āāļøš¤·āāļøš¤·āāļø
Stuff I Love!!!
Just updated the Stuff I Love page on the website! Ā Some really fun new things, so be sure to check them out!
What kind of stuff do YOU love?? Ā I love learning about new STUFF so be sure to comment and let me know!!
What the wha?
***Edited to add, she DID have pants on***
My toddler made me scratch her butt crack in public today. Seriously, threw a fit – I told her to scratch her own butt but she would NOT give it up.
So I scratched it. Because I’m a mom, and that’s what moms do apparently.
She made a huge exaggerated sigh and said “ahhhhhhh” like it was the greatest thing on earth.
No longer “snack bitch”. Now I’m demoted to a butt scratcher…..
#momlife