Lesson Learned…

After a tough morning of very little listening and crap attitude, and then asking her over a dozen times to get her socks and shoes on so we could leave, I decided I’d teach my 4.5 year old a little lesson about listening and following instructions…

-“Tatum, you have one more chance and then Wyatt and I are leaving and you’ll be here by yourself”

-“OK, Mom!”

-Waited a couple minutes, no action. So I pack up Wyatt, yell to her that we’re leaving, make a big production of opening and shutting the door. I put Wyatt in the car, get in, and start it. Then I wait, watching the front door……

-and wait.

-and wait….

-Shut the car off, go back inside. “Get your butt in the car Tatum, for realz. What are you DOING?!?”

-Cue the crying….. but not for the reason you think.

-“But I wanted to stay here by myself!!!!!!”

*facepalm*

Learning as I go.

It’s kind of funny, but I’m starting to realize (yes, I’ve been a parent for almost 5 years now, why do you ask?) that you’re constantly learning and evolving in motherhood/parenthood. I learn lessons every day but I always forget to write them down, which means I generally forget the lesson, repeat my mistake, learn it again, and maybe that time it’ll stick.

Two Lessons I learned today:

Daylight Savings Time will ALWAYS suck when your kids are under 13.

Seriously, we never really had a problem with daylight savings time before. I am not bragging, it just never really was a big deal. For some reason, THIS YEAR SUCKS. It was fine all day Sunday, but Monday was fairly rough with neither kid napping much and both of them being fairy cranky. Then last night I SWEAR they didn’t sleep at all, followed by crap naps for both today, and it’s now 10:15pm at our house and they’re STILL FLOPPING AROUND in their beds. Now listen to me, I love my kids, but enough already! Whoever invented daylight savings time and decided to stick with it was probably a group of dudes who never had kids.

Going to a major attraction, like say, The Crayola Experience, on a rainy day in the middle of Spring Break is just stupid, stupid, stupid.

I got an invite, I didn’t think anything about it except “That should be fun, I bet the kids would love that AND playing with their friends?? Win Win!”

Lose. All around.

It’s a SUPER COOL PLACE, don’t get me wrong, and I’m certain we’ll make frequent use of the season passes I bought us, but hell’s bells people, not on Spring Break, and sure as hell NOT when it’s RAINING on Spring Break. I’ve never seen so many people in my life. It was by far my MOST stressful parenting experience so far in my life. At one point both my kids took off different directions, I lost one, chased the other one, and sighed with relief when I caught him and heard my friend yelling that she had eyes on Tatum. For realz. I don’t know how half those parents didn’t make it home without their kids. Insanity.

Things Kids Say Part Deuce

I’ve been having trouble lately with getting Tatum (the 4.5 year old) to go to the bathroom by herself at night. She’s also going through that scared of the dark/sleeping by herself phase, so kind of a double whammy. Each night I start the evening out with nicely begging her to stay in bed. She responds with “but if I really really need you, you’ll come in, right?”

Of course I will.

However the “really need you” moments have lately been getting more and more, um, how should I say…. creative. Tonight, for example….

-“MOMMY, I REALLY REALLY NEED YOU!!!!!!”

-I go into her room (btw, this is the FOURTH time since I put her to bed about 20 minutes ago). “What do you need, Tatum?”

-“Mommy, did you know I’m ALLERGIC to COYOTES???”

-“Um, no, kid, I wasn’t aware of that. Because you aren’t.”

And while it’s funny, it’s also annoying, because it happens at midnight, 3:30 in the morning, 5 in the morning, and so on and so forth. Last night I got about an hour and a half stretches of sleep between both kids. Mommy gonna lose her mind over here.

Anyone else with kiddos have that issue? Could really use some advice, or random thoughts, or maybe even some vodka and funny memes. 😉

Things kids say….

Yesterday I was dropping Tatum off at her preschool, and they have horses there. We’re driving past the pasture and I comment to myself that there’s a ton of horse poop out there.

“That’s not horse poop, Mommy. It’s way too light brown”

So I launch into an explanation of that’s what horse turds look like and why until she gives me this “you’re stupid” look and exclaims:

“But it’s in PILES!”

Yeah, kid, it is. Big ones. 😂 Still poop.

Also tonight:

“Sharks aren’t allowed at my swim class because they’re too sharp.”

#truedat

Strap that baby to a chair!!

No seriously guys, this one is for all you mamas of little ones out there!

Secure, and mostly happy.

I found this amazing invention on Amazon the other day and wanted to give it a try. I have my beloved “Tie Chair” but to be honest the bulk and complication of the whole thing makes it difficult to take with us to restaurants and whatnot. I get tired of trying to stuff it in a diaper bag or my purse, tired of trying to tie the knots secure enough, and let’s face it. I’m just tired. 😉

This “Cozy Cover” looked interesting, and the price wasn’t bad, so I thought – I’m already buying crap on Amazon so WHY NOT? AMIRIGHT? It came the other day but I didn’t take it out of the box until yesterday to try it out.

ERMAGERD you guys, this thing is super easy to put on the chair, the shoulder straps are nice and secure (much to my son’s annoyance LOL), and it folds up (or stuffs into, if you’re like me) a little tiny pouch that fits in just about any purse or diaper bag. I LOVE IT! Plus it’s machine washable. BONUS.

I seriously hate restaurant high-chairs (if they even HAVE them half the time), because they look like they’ve been through some kind of high school food fight several years back and never cleaned, OR they’re rickety, OR the buckle on the safety strap is broken, OR they’re missing the crotch strap and your son manages to clothesline himself on the waist bar…. (don’t ask me how I know THAT), OR any ungodly combination of the above. This solves all of that – for realz…..

Unless your restaurant has stools with no backs instead of chairs…. if that’s the case, you’re just screwed. Good luck. 😉

Find it on Amazon here!!! https://amzn.to/2He11Ss

Some days I actually have 3 kids… and not one of them knows what’s going on around them.

Tatum: “I miss Derby, so much, what did he look like again?”

Wade: “He was brown and white”

Tatum: “yeah, I miss him”

Wade: “You have Biscuit now, she’s ALSO brown and white”.

Me: “Dude, she’s BLACK and white… are you for realz right now? You’ve lived with her over a year now”

Wade: “oh yeah, I guess she’s black and white, Tatum”

😂😂😂😂😂😂🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Stuff I Love!!!

Just updated the Stuff I Love page on the website!  Some really fun new things, so be sure to check them out!

What kind of stuff do YOU love??  I love learning about new STUFF so be sure to comment and let me know!!

STUFF I LOVE!!!!

Someone slap me already…

Sometimes I get all crazy and decide to go full blown “Pinterest Mom”… this usually results in stupid consequences like spending $60 on stickers and die cuts and blank cards and envelopes so I can make cute little handmade Valentine’s Day cards for my kids classmates.

Cards that I spend hours making even though I’ve procrastinated until close to the last minute because lazy mom overpowers Pinterest mom and I have to talk myself into doing it.

Cards that I then realize these kids don’t give a crap about and will end up going straight in the trash in favor of some sort of candy.

I just wasted 3.5 hours of my life I’ll never get back, y’all….

🙂 🤦‍♀️😂

What the wha?

***Edited to add, she DID have pants on***

My toddler made me scratch her butt crack in public today. Seriously, threw a fit – I told her to scratch her own butt but she would NOT give it up.

So I scratched it. Because I’m a mom, and that’s what moms do apparently.

She made a huge exaggerated sigh and said “ahhhhhhh” like it was the greatest thing on earth.

No longer “snack bitch”. Now I’m demoted to a butt scratcher…..

#momlife

If you need me…

If you need me, I’ll just be over here…… eating an entire box of Girl Scout cookies by myself and freaking out internally over the huge tunnel they’re going to dig under my house tomorrow and what they might possibly find under there. 😫😫😫😫😫