I swear I start every post by SWEARING that I’m going to start updating this regularly. And then three months go by… Three months where I did NOTHING but work (from home, mind you), keep my kids alive, and collect more cats. I mean, it’s not that I lack the TIME to post regularly, but sometimes the effort can be hard to find.
To be completely honest, this is ALL getting to me – and not in the best way. I’ve been mostly hiding in my personal bubble and kind of hoping it will all go away or at least seem, well, not so awful. I really think the worst thing of all about this time in our lives is that humans can be downright cruel to each other. I’ve seen close friendships ripped apart, day after day, by differences in political opinions, personal preferences, opinions being rammed down each other’s throats, and every single one of us too proud/stubborn/whatever to admit that maybe….. maybe our way ISN’T the only path to be followed, and maybe EVEN THOUGH we don’t agree with the opinions or beliefs of our friends that we should respect them enough to treat them the way we wish to be treated. The world right now is absolutely 100% depressing, and it’s no wonder I choose to collect cats and hide out in my house and play with planners even though I really have nothing to plan.
Choice. It’s a simple matter. Each action we take, each word that comes out of our mouths is a choice. A choice you have the right to make, I’m not arguing that. But also keep in mind your CHOICES affect those around you. Words scar, actions harm, and everything we do is being filed away by our youth, our children, as an example of how to act in the future as an adult. Really, THAT is what scares the shit out of me. My daughter, and now I’m seeing my son as well, are both hyper-aware of the world around them. They hear when you do not think they are listening, they see what you don’t think they’re paying attention to, and their memory is impressive. My daughter, at 3 years old, could remember the exact location of a place I’d taken her to for ice cream ONCE a year previously. My son, at three years old, knows the location of all of mommy’s favorite Starbucks (parenting fail on that one, probably) – but what is getting “saved” to that memory right now that is going to affect who they become as an adult? Will they think it’s ok to break family and friendship ties with harsh words and accusations because of a difference in political beliefs? Will they remember all they’ve seen in the news and all the adult discussions going on around them in hushed tones? Will they be the kind of people that can love and appreciate others no matter their differences?
And how do I teach them to respect others when we’re all running around acting like righteous fools?
Maybe this is just a brain dump, and maybe I’ll end up catching a bunch of flak for it, but I hope not. I’ve been in such a funk, and probably a lot of it is the isolation speaking… I’m such a people person that I feel like I’ve lost all those except my closest family and a tiny few friends. Maybe that loss is cutting deeper because I see so many others cutting those they love out of their lives over things that may or may not matter in the end. It’s frustrating, it’s tragic, and it’s very very dark. I’m not even sure the light is there or that this horribly long tunnel of 2020 has an end.
I’m sorry if I am rambling and none of this makes sense, it’s therapeutic for me to blab it all out onto the page and get the thoughts out of my head. Maybe it does make sense and you too are feeling the darkness. If so, leave a comment, send an email, reach out to me or someone you love and make a connection, however fragile it may be. You never know, the person you reach out to may need that connection just as much as you do.
Tomorrow, back (maybe LOL) to posting cat photos and random crap on Instagram. But hopefully today’s deep thoughts stick and mean something for someone out there. Stay safe, stay bright, and be that person that brings light to others. <3
